Friday, November 30, 2007

50 Universal Truths About Men

1. Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.

2. I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.

3. I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.

4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.

5. When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.

6. I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.

7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.

8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.

9. When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.

10. If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.

11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.

12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.

13. I'm scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she'll take advantage of me.

14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.

15. Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.

16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.

17. I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a girl.

18. You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.

19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?

20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I listened to you talk about what is important to you.

26. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?

27. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.

28. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.

29. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.

30. I want every guy to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.

31. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important that what you say..

32. I hate it when you minimize/ignore my compliments. It makes me what to stop giving them.

33. I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?

34. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.

35. I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.

36. If I do one thing and say something contradictory – Go with my actions, that will always tell you what’s in my heart.

37. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something. (Like a favor).

38. I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.

39. If I don’t share what I’m thinking it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.

40. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.

41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.

42. Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.

43. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.

44. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.

45. It isn’t how much your weigh; what's attractive is whether body is proportionate.

46. Sometimes I have weird and strange thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).

47. Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.

48. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.

49. I don’t remember everything about our relationship and that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The end of the world schedule for the nearest future

2008 — an asteroid more than ½ mile in diameter will fall on the Earth.

2009 — Armageddon will destroy the civilization, in accordance to Peter Lorie’s research on the Nostradamus’ Centuries.

2010 — the oil stock will be over and the whole world will start fighting for the natural resources. This year also Earth is promised to turn off the Sun.

2011 — the end of the Maya Calendar Cycle. The 2005 YU55 asteroid will possibly crash into our planet.

2012 — the most expected end of the world. Here come a lot of events, such as: the 5th Sun period, the Solar System will turn one of its sides to the axis of the Galaxy, all the cosmic cycles will be broken, the poles will switch upside down. Good news everyone! Indigo kids stand a chance to survive, as well as 0,5% of the population.

2013 — Doomsday. The day of the beginning and the end of everything! Hyper spatial passage to the 4th dimension will bring death to the mortals and birth to the Gods.

2014 — according to the astrophysicist’s research the solar system will sink into the cloud of cosmic dust, which will destroy everything on the planet. Pretty boring, hah?

2015 — the end of some 9576–year cycle that will put an end to the civilization.

2016 — the researcher of the climatic conditions James Hansen affirms that in 2016 all the glaciers will melt and the major part of the dry land will drown.

2017 — the end of the world will come in accordance with the hierarchical theory of disasters.

2018 — the nuclear war will start, following Nostradamus.

2019 — just commonplace crush of the Earth with the 2002 NT7 asteroid.

2020 — following the prediction of John the Baptist, Isaac Newton counted that the end of the world will occur exactly in 2020.

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Kiss Phone

Looking like an uneasy and rather disturbing fusion of some kind of Fisher Price toy and a curious sexual aid, the Kiss Cell Phone concept from Pro Invention certainly has the distinction of being one of the most bizarre cell phones we’ve ever featured here on TFTS and we can only hazard a guess as to who in their right mind would even vaguely consider pulling one of these out of their pocket during their daily commute.

Coming with a rather prominent pair of lips, the Kiss Phone detects the pressure, temperature and, yes, even the ‘sucking force’ of any kisses delivered to the device which it will then relay to those on the receiving end of your affection – mimicking your kiss exactly (or, at least, as best it can within certain parameters).

Interestingly you can even receive any kisses you may have missed from the device’s ‘kiss bank’ memory and you can even upload your kisses to the internet to share with others.

The mind boggles.

Source: Gizmodo

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

P. Niss

The Response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, V. Gina

Friday, November 16, 2007

7 Dreams Reflected in Shadows

Dream about when you were younger? Dream of a more powerful you? These photoshop effects illustrate dreams translated into shadows.

Friday, November 2, 2007

A blonde at bank

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Photoshop Master

Belgian photographer masterfully owns not only the camera, but photoshop-proud of that fact and does not hide it.

Numerous Frank Uyttenhove work inspired the dramatic campaign in Europe, for example, prints SN Brussels Airlines with pairs detishek tastes in various countries. He removed the posters for brands such as Peugeot, Delta LLoyd, Volkswagen and others.