5 Ways to Become the Perfect Idiot

1. Driving~~Be sure to drive 50mph in the fast lane on an 75mph highway. By doing this, you will get the horn honked at you and the finger shot at you, therefore making you a perfect idiot.
2. Fast Food~~When you’re at McDonalds, be sure to hold up the line staring at the menu for 5 whole minutes. Since McDonald’s menu never changes, this will cause the people behind you to start whispering “What an idiot, everybody knows what’s on a McDonalds menu!”
3. Husbands & kids~~When looking for something, be sure NOT to move things around or look under stuff to find it and ALWAYS say is “Where is it???…Where??..I don’t see it?” BEFORE you actually look for it. I won’t call them idiots but…..
4. Forums~~(asker)ALWAYS ask a question that has already been answered multiple times and can easily be found by doing a search. (answerer)ALWAYS answer questions with phrases like “Good luck with getting an answer to that question” and “?”. Both are fine examples to becoming the perfect idiot.
5. Writing~~NEVER use spellcheck! Never use any punctuation or capitalization. ALWAYS write at least one dumb thing that doesn’t match the rest of the story. Try to use words that you don’t know the meaning of. Doing all these things will definitely make you the perfect idiot

50 Universal Truths About Men

1. Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.

2. I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.

3. I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.

4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.

5. When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.

6. I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.

7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.

8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.

9. When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.

10. If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.

11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.

12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.

13. I'm scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she'll take advantage of me.

14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.

15. Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.

16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.

17. I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a girl.

18. You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.

19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?

20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I listened to you talk about what is important to you.

26. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?

27. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.

28. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.

29. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.

30. I want every guy to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.

31. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important that what you say..

32. I hate it when you minimize/ignore my compliments. It makes me what to stop giving them.

33. I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?

34. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.

35. I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.

36. If I do one thing and say something contradictory – Go with my actions, that will always tell you what’s in my heart.

37. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something. (Like a favor).

38. I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.

39. If I don’t share what I’m thinking it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.

40. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.

41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.

42. Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.

43. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.

44. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.

45. It isn’t how much your weigh; what's attractive is whether body is proportionate.

46. Sometimes I have weird and strange thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).

47. Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.

48. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.

49. I don’t remember everything about our relationship and that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.

The end of the world schedule for the nearest future

2008 — an asteroid more than ½ mile in diameter will fall on the Earth.

2009 — Armageddon will destroy the civilization, in accordance to Peter Lorie’s research on the Nostradamus’ Centuries.

2010 — the oil stock will be over and the whole world will start fighting for the natural resources. This year also Earth is promised to turn off the Sun.

2011 — the end of the Maya Calendar Cycle. The 2005 YU55 asteroid will possibly crash into our planet.

2012 — the most expected end of the world. Here come a lot of events, such as: the 5th Sun period, the Solar System will turn one of its sides to the axis of the Galaxy, all the cosmic cycles will be broken, the poles will switch upside down. Good news everyone! Indigo kids stand a chance to survive, as well as 0,5% of the population.

2013 — Doomsday. The day of the beginning and the end of everything! Hyper spatial passage to the 4th dimension will bring death to the mortals and birth to the Gods.

2014 — according to the astrophysicist’s research the solar system will sink into the cloud of cosmic dust, which will destroy everything on the planet. Pretty boring, hah?

2015 — the end of some 9576–year cycle that will put an end to the civilization.

2016 — the researcher of the climatic conditions James Hansen affirms that in 2016 all the glaciers will melt and the major part of the dry land will drown.

2017 — the end of the world will come in accordance with the hierarchical theory of disasters.

2018 — the nuclear war will start, following Nostradamus.

2019 — just commonplace crush of the Earth with the 2002 NT7 asteroid.

2020 — following the prediction of John the Baptist, Isaac Newton counted that the end of the world will occur exactly in 2020.

The Kiss Phone

Looking like an uneasy and rather disturbing fusion of some kind of Fisher Price toy and a curious sexual aid, the Kiss Cell Phone concept from Pro Invention certainly has the distinction of being one of the most bizarre cell phones we’ve ever featured here on TFTS and we can only hazard a guess as to who in their right mind would even vaguely consider pulling one of these out of their pocket during their daily commute.

Coming with a rather prominent pair of lips, the Kiss Phone detects the pressure, temperature and, yes, even the ‘sucking force’ of any kisses delivered to the device which it will then relay to those on the receiving end of your affection – mimicking your kiss exactly (or, at least, as best it can within certain parameters).

Interestingly you can even receive any kisses you may have missed from the device’s ‘kiss bank’ memory and you can even upload your kisses to the internet to share with others.

The mind boggles.

Source: Gizmodo